What a Success

p16It was good to see the Hairy bikers organizing “old school”, what a great idea to bring together youngsters and senior citizen. How they both benefited, both gaining confidence, the elders feeling needed and the vulnerable youngsters feeling support and caring. Both gained from giving and receiving.

You could see the youngsters blossoming and the elders glowing with pride, both were growing in the new relationships. The cognitive skills of the elders improved together with the youngsters school grades which soared, school attendance and general well-being. Everyone likes the support and friendship of someone they trust, a mentor to look up to.

I remember when my daughter was at school an older lady in the village came in to talk to the children about life in the war years, ration books etc. The children were fascinated. When later I was teaching, adults often came in to listen to children read, run the library and other tasks. This pairing of elders and youngsters appeared to be even better and should be practised nationwide.

In the program the bonding and caring grew over the weeks, it was great to see. What a win-win situation!

We could all do with a coach or mentor when learning something new. On some occasions the youngsters were coaching the elders to enter their world of electronic games, painting and even assisting with one gentleman’s paperwork. Meanwhile the elders supported the youngsters, passing on their knowledge and life experiences.

It took a little while for the relationships to develop, and for them to understand each other, but as it was a monitored situation, any problems were soon resolved.

In my current business I have benefited from having a coach and mentor, much the same as sports people do or people learning any new skill. If you were thinking of learning to drive, learning to play tennis or golf, you would find an expert in their field and benefit from their previous experience.

Working online is no different, affiliate marketing with the guidance of a coach is the simplest way to start. It’s great fun and satisfying watching you business grow; it can be worked in your spare-time. It is low-cost to start-up and is suitable for almost anyone with a strong desire to succeed. Age, education or gender are unimportant, with the guidance of a coach you can start earning whilst you learn the skills required.

Relationships Are The People Who Rescue Others Healthier Than The People They Rescue

p15While someone could be in a position where they have saved a number of dogs from drowning, it could go even further than this. Perhaps they also work in the fire service, and have then stopped a number of people from losing their life.

They could also find that this kind of behaviour appears in their personal life, and one is then going to be used to being there for others in all areas of their life. However, this doesn’t mean that one has to have a history of saving dogs and/or to be in the fire service in order for this to occur.

A Normal Part of Life

When this is something that appears in their personal life, it is unlikely to be something that takes place from time to time. There is a strong chance that this is an experience they have each day.

This could be because they are in a relationship with someone who is unable to handle life, or it might be a sign that they are surrounded by friends who have the same problem. At the same time, their time might be divided between helping their partner and their friends.

Friendship

Through being this way it won’t matter whether they are in a relationship or not, as they will always be helping someone. They could find that they have more time for others when they are single, or this might not be the case.

Doing what they can to help their friends could always be on their mind, and it is then not going to be possible for them to overlook their needs. The effect this has on their relationship is then going to be downplayed.

Admiration

But while the person they are with could end up becoming frustrated if one behaved in this way, they could also see it in a positive light. The fact that they are only too happy to be there for their friends is then going to be something they admire about them.

The time one spends with their partner could also be diminished by the amount of time they spend with their family. This could also be a time where one is taking on what these people can’t solve themselves.

Two Options

If one was to think about what they are doing, they could see it as the best option, and this could be a sign they only see one other option. In their mind, the other option may involve ignoring other people’s needs.

As a result of this, one could believe that they would be selfish if they didn’t do as much for others, and it will then be normal for them to judge others in the same way. It then won’t matter that this is causing them to ignore their own needs and to stop other people from taking responsibility for their own lives.

External Support

What will also make a difference here is the kind of feedback that they get from other people, and how one’s behaviour will generally be supported. Other people could see them as a role model and say that the world needs more people like them, for instance.

As it is not uncommon for people to be uncomfortable with their own needs, it could be said that it is to be expected that this outlook would be so common. It is then not a case of one being ashamed of their own needs; it is that they are simply ‘selfless’.

An Illusion

Being selfless is then seen as something to aspire to as opposed to something that is often a reflection of the false-self. Still, unless one starts to feel comfortable with their own needs, this is not going to change.

But when one is receiving approval from others and is seen in a positive light, they are not going to feel the need to change. The pain they experience through ignoring their own needs will be offset by the pleasure they receive through pleasing others.

All Together

Based on what they do for others, it could mean that other people see them as some kind of super hero. One can then see seen as someone who has it all together and the people they save are the ones with the problems.

When it comes to what one does for others, it can all depend on who they are trying to help. For example, one could have a pattern of being drawn to people that have mental and emotional challenges or those that can’t support themselves, among other things.

Falling Apart

Through being with someone like this, their attention can end up being consumed by the other person’s problems. And if one believes that they have it all together and the other person is the one who can’t handle life, they will feel as though they are doing the right thing.

It can then be normal for one to experience a sense of superiority and as though they are the only ones who can help others. However, although one can believe that they are in a better position than the people they rescue, this is not going to be the complete truth.

Two Levels

From the outside, it can look as though one is healthier, and this is partly because of the false-self that they have created. Yet, if they felt comfortable with their own needs, they wouldn’t spend so much time trying to get their needs met indirectly by rescuing others.

Along with this, rescuing others is an indirect way for them to rescue the parts of themselves that they have disowned. But as they have disconnected from these parts, it won’t matter what they do for other people as this won’t enable them to heal themselves.

Awareness

If one has the tendency to rescue others and they no longer want to avoid themselves, it might be necessary for them to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by a therapist and/or a support group.

Relationships Do Some People Only Talk To You When They Want Something

p14Although relationships can be based on give and take, they can also be out of balance. When this happens, one person can give and another person can take, and this is going to lead to problems.

Normal

However, this is not to say that either of these people will realise that they are out of balance, as it could be something that is outside of their awareness. If one is used to giving more than they receive, it could be how their life has always been.

And if one is used to receiving more than they give, this could also be how their life has been for as long as they can remember. The person who always gives could be fed up with what is taking place, but the person who always receives could have a radically different experience.

Part of Life

Yet even though one person can be in a position where they have had enough of being taken advantage of, it doesn’t mean that they will do anything about it. For one thing, they could believe that it is just how life is.

On the other hand, the other person can be used to getting what they want and so they might not see any reason why they should change. This is then part of their life and they will be happy for it to continue.

Reaching Out

As a result of this, the person who gives is more likely to reach out for support than the person who receives. This is because they are not going to be happy with how their life is; whereas the kind of experience that the other person has can stop them from doing anything.

In fact, they could believe that other people should take care of their needs, and there will then be no reason for them to change. So if other people have a problem with their behaviour, it could be normal for them to dismiss it.

A High Turnover

Through being indifferent to the needs of others, it can mean that they don’t have the same people in their life for very long. In the beginning someone might not realise what is taking place and then as time passes, it could soon become clear.

But even if this did have a negative effect on them, it could be an experience that soon passes. They could believe that there is nothing wrong with their behaviour, and that other people are the problem.

Hangers-On

When one is used having people in their life who generally take, they could find that the same people stay around. Now, this is not to say that they are always there; what it can come down to is that they may have been in one’s life for quite some time.

At times, one might not hear form them for a few months, and at other times, they could hear from them a few times in the same week, for instance. The reason they stay around is not because they appreciate them, it is because they know they will be there to meet their needs.

From Time To Time

There could be moments when one does receive things from these kinds of people, but even if they do, it is unlikely to make up for everything they have given up until that point. Nevertheless, it could be seen as a big gesture in their eyes, and they could expect to receive something back.

In fact, this could be something that only takes place when they want one to do something for them. It could mean doing something straight after, or they might expect something a few days later.

The Reason

One way of looking at this would be to say that one only hears from these people when they want something. It then won’t matter if they want to spend time with them or need their help, as it won’t be possible.

It can then appear as though they no longer live in the same area, or seem as though they have left the planet. In reality, they are probably taking advantage of someone else, and until this changes, they could be out of reach.

Distant

Alternatively, one could get in touch with them to see how they are doing and they could answer their question/s, but that could be as far as it goes. They are then happy to extend themselves as one is giving their energy to them and yet they are not willing to return the favour.

One is then making the effort to see how they are doing, but they are going to be wasting their energy. There is also the chance that they will ask how they are and say about meeting in a few days or in a week.

Flaky

After the time has passed, one could find that they can’t get hold of them, or they may say that they forgot all about it. They could say that they will contact them and then this doesn’t take place.

Clearly, these are things that can happen from time to time, but this is not what is being spoken about here. What this relates to is when this is something that happens on a regular basis.

A Decision

When one is using to having people in their life who behave in this way, it will be important for them to think about whether they won’t to put up with it any longer. As all the time they put up with this behaviour, there is going to be no reason for these people to change.

It might also be necessary for one to look into why they put up with, as this could be a sign that they don’t value themselves. Therefore, if they started to feel better about themselves, they might no longer put up with this kind of behaviour, and this would then create the space for them to attract people who are different.

Awareness

When this comes to changing how one feels about themselves, it might be necessary for them to work with a therapist. Or they could read up about this area and apply what they learn.

Relationships: Are You In A Relationship With Someone Who Is On The Rebound

p13When someone starts a new relationship there is a strong chance that it will be their intention to be with someone who is available. In this case, one is in a position where they are ready to share their life with someone else.

It could then be said that they have the right outlook, and it could mean that they will be on the path to a fulfilling relationship. A new chapter of their life has then begun and one could be grateful that they have met the right one, so to speak.

A Different Experience

However, even though one can start a relationship and hope that the other person is available, it doesn’t mean that they are actually available. In the beginning, one could act as though they are ready to settle down and then as time goes on, this could soon change.

This would then show that while part of them is ready to settle down, another part of them is not on the same page. So although one could go along with the relationship and pretend that everything is fine, they could also walk away.

Unavailable

On the other hand, one could find that although they ready to share their life with someone, the same can’t be said for the person they are with. At first, they may have created the impression that they were ready but then as time has passed, a different side of them has appeared.

Through coming across as though they were ready, it would have been normal for one to believe that they were with the right person. If, on the other hand, they were like this from the start, it would have been a lot easier for them to realise what was taking place.

A Facade

What this shows is that people don’t always reveal their true intentions and while this can be a sign that they are trying to deceive, it might not be this black and white. At times, someone could go out of their way to mislead another, and at other times, it could be something that takes place just outside of their awareness.

So when one comes across as though they are available in the beginning of a relationship, it could be act they have put in place to get their needs met. Alternatively, it could be something that they are not fully aware of.

Pain

When this happens, it could be a sign that they are in a lot of pain and their primary focus is then to feel better. Thus, they are not focused on taking advantage of another human being; they are concerned with their own wellbeing.

Yet if one has crossed paths with someone like this and they are also in pain, it might not be possible for them to feel better if the relationship was to come to an end. Ultimately, one can feel as though they have been used and this can be hard for them to handle.

Time

What could give one a sense of relief is that they have found out and that this is not something that has lasted any longer. This will then allow them to gradually move on from what they have been through.

During this time, one could wonder why they ended up with this person, and why his person ended up with them. Looking into the first question might allow them to change their life; whereas looking into the second question may only allow them to settle their mind down.

The Big Question

If the person one was in a relationship with was in pain, it could be because they have only just left another relationship. The pain they experienced when this came to an end is then still within them.

This will then show that they didn’t take the time to process their pain; they ended up looking for someone to take it away. Based on this, one would have seen as someone who would make them feel better.

An Escape

Through being this way, it would have been possible for them to have a relationship, and this is because they were running away from themselves. They would have been able to offer their mind and their body, but their heart would not have been available.

By replacing one person with another, it would have kept their pain at bay, and this may have been the only need they had. It would then have been necessary for them to come on strong and to create the right impression in order to keep one around.

Looking Back

Having said that, if one was to look back on how the other person behaved in the beginning and throughout their time together, they may start to see that there were signs. But one may have overlooked these due to their need to be with someone.

If the other person came on strong from the start, this would have shown that something wasn’t right. As when it comes to finding the right person, it is generally better to take the time to get to know them.

Thinking Clearly

When this happens, they are not being controlled by their emotions, and this will make it easier for them to make better decisions. Along with this, they may have also spoken about their ex a lot.

One may also have found that although they were attentive at certain times, there may have been other times when they were distant. Their behaviour was then either hot or cold, and this would have been hard to deal with.

Awareness

If one was to look into why they ended up with this person, they may find out that is because they are also unavailable. Although they thought they were ready to have a relationship, this was nothing more than an illusion.