If You’re Not In It For Love

p20There are all kinds of people in all kinds of places who are in relationships and marriages for all kinds of reasons… other than being in love. Why do we do it? Is it comfortable, honest or acceptable? That depends on your arrangements; there may even be a way to make it easier or more pleasant. What are the top 5 reasons we enter into this kind of arrangement?

1. Security
2. Loneliness/Companionship
3. Lack of confidence/Poor Self esteem
4. Peer pressure /Job Expectations/ Family Pressure
5. Parenting Assistance

It should come as no surprise that money is the top reason people enter into relationships with someone they are not in love with. There is a large segment of our population who believe that money matters; it makes their world go round. They are willing to trade the magic of love for security.

Loneliness can be unbearable. There are many people who are self-reliant and more than capable of living alone comfortably but cannot tolerate the silence; the daily routine of a life lived alone. They are willing to trade the things they can provide for companionship

Relationships Do Some People’s Childhoods Set Them Up To Expect Too Much From Others

p19If one was to go shopping and they were to speak to someone who works in a store, it is highly unlikely that they will expect them to treat them like a close friend would. In fact, they might not know what to expect from them.

This is something that can all depend on how they are treated by the people they spend their time with. When one is treated well by these people, they could expect to be treated with respect by the people who work in these kinds of places.

The Other Side

Alternatively, if one is used to being treated badly by the people they spend their time with, they might expect the same treatment when they go out. This is then going to be what is normal and it is not going to stand out when other people treat them in the same way.

However, even if one is used to being treated well by the people they spend their time with, it doesn’t mean that they will expect the same when they go out. This could be because they live somewhere where the

Relationships Does Someone Leave Their Childhood Behind When They Leave Home

p18When someone gets on a plain to go home after they have been on holiday, it could be said that they are leaving the country behind. Once they get home, they can carry on with the rest of their life.

Now, this is not to say that they won’t have moments when they will think about what took place, or that they won’t imagine would it would be like to be back there again. However, what it does mean is that it is not going to have a big effect on their life.

Not Content

If, on the other hand, one does find that they are unable to carry on with their life, it could be a sign that there life is not very fulfilling. In this case, it is not going to be possible for them to carry on with their life.

Ultimately, they will believe that they haven’t got much of a life to live, and through going away, it will have made it even harder for them to function on a day-to-day basis. This could be something that is seen as the exception as opposed

Relationships Why Are Some People Only Attracted To People They Can Overshadow

p17While some people end up with people who on a similar level, there are others who end up with people who are not. As a result of this, not everyone is going to be drawn to people who are as developed as they are.


When it comes to the former, it could be said that one’s relationships are likely to be fulfilling, and this is partly because the other person will be able to challenge them. Another way of looking at this is that each person will be an adult as opposed to one of them being a child and another being a parent.

Now, this doesn’t mean that they will be at the same level when it comes to every area of their life, as there are likely to be certain areas where this is not the case. For example, one person could have more money than the other or greater success in their career, for instance.

Emotional Development

However, when it comes to what is taking place within them, there is likely to be less of a difference. The emotional development of one person is like

What a Success

p16It was good to see the Hairy bikers organizing “old school”, what a great idea to bring together youngsters and senior citizen. How they both benefited, both gaining confidence, the elders feeling needed and the vulnerable youngsters feeling support and caring. Both gained from giving and receiving.

You could see the youngsters blossoming and the elders glowing with pride, both were growing in the new relationships. The cognitive skills of the elders improved together with the youngsters school grades which soared, school attendance and general well-being. Everyone likes the support and friendship of someone they trust, a mentor to look up to.

I remember when my daughter was at school an older lady in the village came in to talk to the children about life in the war years, ration books etc. The children were fascinated. When later I was teaching, adults often came in to listen to children read, run the library and other tasks. This pairing of elders and youngsters appeared to be even better and should be practised nationwide.

In the program the bonding and caring grew over the weeks, it was great to

Relationships Are The People Who Rescue Others Healthier Than The People They Rescue

p15While someone could be in a position where they have saved a number of dogs from drowning, it could go even further than this. Perhaps they also work in the fire service, and have then stopped a number of people from losing their life.

They could also find that this kind of behaviour appears in their personal life, and one is then going to be used to being there for others in all areas of their life. However, this doesn’t mean that one has to have a history of saving dogs and/or to be in the fire service in order for this to occur.

A Normal Part of Life

When this is something that appears in their personal life, it is unlikely to be something that takes place from time to time. There is a strong chance that this is an experience they have each day.

This could be because they are in a relationship with someone who is unable to handle life, or it might be a sign that they are surrounded by friends who have the same problem. At the same time, their time might be

Relationships Do Some People Only Talk To You When They Want Something

p14Although relationships can be based on give and take, they can also be out of balance. When this happens, one person can give and another person can take, and this is going to lead to problems.


However, this is not to say that either of these people will realise that they are out of balance, as it could be something that is outside of their awareness. If one is used to giving more than they receive, it could be how their life has always been.

And if one is used to receiving more than they give, this could also be how their life has been for as long as they can remember. The person who always gives could be fed up with what is taking place, but the person who always receives could have a radically different experience.

Part of Life

Yet even though one person can be in a position where they have had enough of being taken advantage of, it doesn’t mean that they will do anything about it. For one thing, they could believe that it is just how life is.

On the other hand, the

Relationships: Are You In A Relationship With Someone Who Is On The Rebound

p13When someone starts a new relationship there is a strong chance that it will be their intention to be with someone who is available. In this case, one is in a position where they are ready to share their life with someone else.

It could then be said that they have the right outlook, and it could mean that they will be on the path to a fulfilling relationship. A new chapter of their life has then begun and one could be grateful that they have met the right one, so to speak.

A Different Experience

However, even though one can start a relationship and hope that the other person is available, it doesn’t mean that they are actually available. In the beginning, one could act as though they are ready to settle down and then as time goes on, this could soon change.

This would then show that while part of them is ready to settle down, another part of them is not on the same page. So although one could go along with the relationship and pretend that everything is fine, they could also walk away.



When the Conversation Stops at How Are You

p12Fellowship has its barriers within any community of care. But this could be the chief of them. It begins as the very first words are uttered from the mouth of a would-be, could-be, or sadder an actual, friend.

Those words are, ‘How are you / going?’

Don’t get me wrong. Those three or four words can initiate a wonderfully intimate conversation, except for two circumstances where they break intimacy in half.

1. Where the conversation stops at ‘Good, thanks,’ and there’s no more enquiry entered into, apart from ‘Okay, great,’ more as to say, ‘I don’t have the time for you,’ ‘I don’t have the time right now, and generally don’t ever,’ or ‘I wasn’t really interested in any more of a response than “Good, thanks” to begin with,’ there’s a problem. The problem should be obvious. Should the question have been asked to begin with? Should we feign intimacy?

2. Where the conversation stops because, awkwardly, the person being asked doesn’t feel comfortable answering honestly. That’s okay. Nobody should apologise for needing to avoid the question. The answer could be a polite, ‘I’m well, thank you,’ if

Private Vs Sneaky What Is Your Character

p11I am a very private person. I dated a man that claimed that he was a very private person as well. The only difference that separates us when talking about privacy was our character. Character is often explained so clearly as… “it’s what you do when you think no one is looking.” I can honestly say that there is really nothing that I did while we were together that I could not openly discuss with him. Unfortunately, I can’t say the same for his actions during our eight year relationship. Private to him is having many “secret” relationships (many were sexual too), not-disclosing or even acknowledging his relationship status on Facebook (eight years, not a picture of me and him insight anywhere), establishing online dating accounts and online relationships (every time we get into an argument), etc. I do not have a name. I do not exist. If you are truly in love, would you not profound the love of your life? Today’s social media makes it difficult to have a one-on-one relationship. You are in constant competition of the “likes” and as a

Relationships Why Do Some People Only Know Who They Are When They Are In A Relationship

p10While some people can find that they can function whether they are with someone or if they are by themselves, there are others who are not in the same position. In this case, one can find that they struggle when they are not with someone.

On the other side, one could find that they it is not possible for them to function in a relationship. As a result of this, they are likely to do everything they can to avoid getting too close to others.

From The Outside

However, if someone was to come across how these people behave, it would be easy for them to come to the conclusion that one of them is healthier than the other. As one of them is drawn to being with others, they could be seen as the one who is comfortable with intimacy.

Whereas when it comes to the person who does what they can to stop themselves from getting to close to others, they could be seen as the one who avoids intimacy. This would show that they have made a surface level assessment and not looked into the

3 Ways to Move on From Toxic Relationships

p91. Hear the part of you that is crazy, repetitive and destructive

Half the time we live in agony because we are fearful of facing our doo-doo and think somehow if we avoid it – it will go away – it won’t.

When you accept your mess without trying to push it away, you allow an opportunity for your fears, hurt and anxiety to be released and released for good.

MOST of the suffering you may experience when you break up are the voices in your head telling you – you did this wrong, your ex did that wrong and that somehow you created this hot mess of a bad relationship. Some of those thoughts cycle in a horrible destructive way: “I wasn’t attractive the way he wanted”, I wasn’t young enough”, “I’m not making enough money”… I’m sure you have a long list that goes on and around in circles.

When you hear these thoughts in your mind, the common practice is to ‘focus on positive thoughts’ and push away your negative thoughts. However, that does not work with a break-up because you are so hurt and

How to Show Love Giving to Those That Which You Wish to Receive

p8Why don’t you turn the tide? Instead of expecting to receive something, be the first one to give. Nothing can compare to the feeling of joy and contentment once you see a person brimming with happiness after he or she receives your gift.

Humans nowadays are too attached to material possessions that they eventually forget to see the real beauty of life. The riches we acquired here on earth are something we cannot bring with us when we die. It is the laughter, the memories we have with each other that makes our existence worthwhile. It is quite saddening that we put too much weight on things that don’t even matter.

We fail to realize the value of things that money can’t buy.

Give to those people that which you wish to receive. Don’t wait for them to give you something before you can actually show them your love. The Law of Cause and Effect tells us that anything that you send out into the universe will come back to you. You may not know it but you will soon get back the effort that you put

Life Is a Journey, Not a Destination Live Out Loud

p7I truly believe that life is a journey and not a destination. The goal in life is not to rush to the finish line, but to enjoy every step of the journey as much as possible along the way. Nothing makes this sentiment more clear than when you lose a loved one. I know this because I just loss one of my favorite uncles who always seemed to live life out loud. He was so full of life and laughter. You always knew when he walked into the room because he had such a grand presence. Ironically, he was also the one in the family who assumed the role of notifying family members when there were grave illnesses and deaths of other family members and longtime friends. Sometimes he would call to announce deaths of others who had such a distant and/or non-existent relationship with you that you would have to ask, “Who”? Then he would go through the lineage year by year; person by person, until you finally said, “Oh yeah, I remember – that is so sad to hear of their passing”.

Men Cursed to Privilege Blessed to Respect Women

p6Dating one of my girls, a privilege for any man lucky enough to have not just one daughter, but three, the concept of privilege came up… white male privilege. I talked about a fact we both knew about – me through burgeoning awareness; her through life experience. Male is the safer gender. Female is the at-risk gender… at risk of violence and ridicule, to name just two. Males more commonly transgress females than the other way around. And men learn as boys interacting with girls how women can be, in many cases, allowably mistreated.

Times like this – now I’m in my late forties, and on a date with one of my three princesses – I’m ready to pour the acid over myself for all the silly and insensitive and disrespectful things I’ve said and done against women, usually inadvertently, though still done. Like the time I had sex with a girl and promptly bragged to my mates about it. (Later, I was required to pay some restitution for this sin through a varietal of ‘tribal’ justice.) Sure, I was only eighteen, but the point

Relationships Do Some People Only Know Who They Are When They Are Rescuing Others

p5rWhen one generally ignores their own needs and focuses on other people’s needs, they can be described as someone who rescues others. As a result of this, it is going to be normal for them to neglect their own life.

Out of Balance

It could be said that while it is good thing that one doesn’t ignore other people’s needs, there is no reason for them to ignore their own needs. The ideal will be for them to be for others and to be there for themselves.

When one doesn’t experience life in this way, they are going to be used to running on empty, so to speak. Ultimately, they will give far more than they receive, and this will lead to a tiring existence.

A New Beginning

However, although experiencing life in this way is not going to be in one’s best interest, it doesn’t mean that they will be able to simply change their life. For one thing, they could believe that this is just how life is and that they haven’t got a choice in the matter.

Along with this, there is likely to be the kind

Emotional Compatibility Matters

p4Have you ever been in a situation where you find yourself fighting hard to get a relationship off the ground? You are sure it has the makings of a meaningful partnership so you invest time, encouragement and most of all love in the person concerned. Your mind is set and any doubts that flutter past are waved away because you are convinced you are doing the right thing with the right person. And maybe for a short while you are, but what happens next confuses you because it is unexpected, it creeps up, slaps you in the face.

Even though in your heart you feel you love this person, you also know they are very lucky to have you loving them, because you believe in yourself and your capabilities. So, when after a flying start – where affection and time are lavished on you – an empty vacuum opens up, you become bewildered as to why this could possibly happen. They still smile at you in that way and want to make love to you every night.

But you feel something is missing. You search

Independence You How to Free Yourself for a Successful and Loving Intimate Relationship

businessman aims and shoots arrows at target but misses
businessman aims and shoots arrows at target but misses

We all love to celebrate Independence Day: fire-cracks, parties, drinking and eating, being with friends, maybe even with lovers (if we have one at the time). And we keep celebrating Independence Day once a year, year in year out, as if this is something which has been engraved into our yearly routine, became part of our life-style, for ages.

But then, does celebrating Independence Day make us independent, free and able to pursue our own wishes and desires?

To put it more clearly: why are we accustomed to celebrating Independence Day on a regular yearly basis, and have not been accustomed to pursue our own independence on a daily, weekly and monthly basis? How many of us are enslaved in our own behavioral patterns, driving us to sabotage our relationships time and again, without us doing anything to learn what’s going on, what we do wrong, and consequently free ourselves from old patterns, change whatever needs change and empower ourselves to develop a truly healthy, loving and

Do You Love Your Partner to Bits and Pieces, Just to Find Yourself Heart Broken and Alone Again

p2Do you perceive yourself as a bottomless barrel, needing love and yet more love, willing to sacrifice yourself to whoever seeks your company – to the point of being left time and again heart-broken, alone and miserable?

In today’s uncertain world it is so reassuring and comforting to be with someone, have a partner, be in a relationship, feeling both psychologically as well as financially secure and cared for. But then, if the endless need for love drives you to sacrifice yourself, “fall in love” time and again only to be left alone, once more, maybe after being abused, manipulated and lied to, feeling depressed, tired, disillusioned and disappointed, you may want to ask yourself:

What’s going on? How do I fall in this trap time and again? What can I do to stand on my own two feet, to feel comfortable in my own skin without rushing to find a partner?

It might well be that through your rapid and endless search for partner(s) you have never taken the time to contemplate these issues. However now, if you feel that you “had it”; that you can’t

Your Grass Is Greener

p1So there I was that morning waiting with colleagues at the Stop for the arrival of the staff bus. Also at the Stop were a roadside clothes seller going about his daily routine, a sweeper trying to keep the environment tidy and an old man on his knees begging for alms.

Along came this little girl and her blind mum who obviously were there to solicit help from generous passers-by. A few minutes after helping her mum settle down, she quietly conversed with her mum and then rose up with #10 in her hands before heading towards the old man who she gave this bill to. And just as quietly, she went back to her mom’s side.

This act did not go unnoticed by my colleagues and I, and I left there that morning with a learnt lesson. Little did I know, I was to learn this more than once, as every time that little girl and her mum showed up at the Stop, she did this. And as always, I left there in awe.

In awe of the fact that, despite their seemingly needy situation, this